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“Any person capable of angering you becomes your master.” — Epictetus
Regulating strong emotions is an important skill we must learn as it helps in managing stress, reducing stress induced physical and psychological disorders, enhances interpersonal interactions, decision making, and self-care. When not managed well, strong emotions can result in relational conflict, problems at work/school, substance abuse, and physical or emotional outbursts. Always keep in mind that we all have the power to control our strong emotions and the resultant actions. We are never at the mercy of our emotions.
Acknowledge your emotions
The first strategy to managing strong emotions that are troublesome is to acknowledge how you feel. Don’t prevent yourself from experiencing or expressing the emotions. When you suppress(consciously) or repress your emotions(unconsciously), you fail to get in touch or express them. This is a problematic technique as it can lead to anxiety, depression, sleep problems, muscle tension, substance abuse and unwarranted outbursts. To avoid all these, the strategy of noticing and acknowledging your strong emotions that have been triggered is more effective. Instead of supressing them, name the feeling without trying to analyse it initially. For instance, you can say to yourself, “I’m feeling angry.” That aspect of clarity brings a sense of calm amidst the emotional turmoil.
Explore to understand the emotions
The second strategy to managing strong emotions is endeavouring to understand the strong feeling. Try and establish what you are feeling exactly. Strong emotions are rarely one dimensional hence while it’s easy to know you’re hurting, picking the exact emotion is not obvious. Journaling is one effective technique to record your thoughts and emotions. Journalling prevents overthinking about what you are feeling. Try to describe the emotion succinctly while at it. This allows you to describe how you feel succinctly without judgment. Additionally, try and establish which part of your body is experiencing the emotion, how are you feeling and what is your mood. If you are feeling overwhelmed with the intense emotion, take yourself out of the situation by taking water, taking a walk, or washing your face.
Accept and embrace your emotions
The third strategy of managing intense emotions entails accepting and embracing them. Scientific research has concluded that when one views their emotions as helpful rather than problematic, they are bound to be happier and get more social support. Never downplay how you feel as it invalidates your emotions. Accepting and embracing our emotions albeit strong and intense gives one a sense of calm and comfort. You get to experience the strong emotion without reacting in an extreme way. Therefore, its vital to accept your emotions and to keep in mind that they are adaptive and will prove healthy if embraced and managed well.
Try not to react to your emotions
Fourthly, avoid reacting immediately despite the strong and intense urge. Try and stay grounded. Notice your surrounding and take a deep slow breath. While at it, count 1 to 20 gently without rushing. If you are standing, try and feel your legs on the ground. If you are sitting, try and feel your behind on the cushion. The exercises are not meant to make the strong emotions go away. Not at all. They help you slow down, take a step back and avoid an extreme reaction that may be regrettable afterwards. In addition to slow and deep breathing, you can also have a soothing mantra that you recite when that flash of intense emotion grips you. For instance, you can repeat the phrases, “I am calm”, “I got this”, “I am okay” and “I am relaxed”. This form of self-talk can be reassuring that you have what it takes to manage the situation at hand.
Remain optimistic that you’ll control the emotions
Lastly, a strategy that has proved effective when experiencing strong and intense emotions is remaining optimistic that you’ll have what it takes to manage the emotions in a healthy manner. Remind yourself that things will get better. If you are feeling frustrated or enraged, remind yourself that the feeling will recede, and you’ll be fine. Try and distract yourself. Don’t ruminate or replay what happened. This will only intensify the emotions and the urge to react. If possible, think about one positive thing happening in your life at the moment that you are grateful for. Another strategy is to try and see the humour in the situation. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Importantly, once you have cooled down, take time to understand what triggered the strong emotion in you. Reflect on other past scenarios as well in order to begin to better understand your own emotions, triggers and the strategies to manage them. If you feel overwhelmed, seek the support of our therapists to explore the emotions and learn helpful coping techniques.