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A lesson I am learning and appreciating as I get older is the importance of actively crafting the kind of life one desires. For that to happen, we must confront our fear of rejection, abandonment, and disapproval. If we hope to enjoy deep, fulfilling, and meaningful relationships, we must be willing to communicate openly, clearly, and honestly. This kind of communication is a key factor in shaping our relations. Undeniably, trying to shape our relationships means risking rejection and abandonment even as we set and enforce clear boundaries while creating a circle of people who deeply love and genuinely care for us.
Interestingly, the more clear, honest, and open we are about how we feel and what we think, the higher the likelihood of nurturing meaningful, joyous, and authentic social connections. Rejection is a painful emotion. When rejected, feelings of abandonment, loneliness, worthlessness, disappointment, shame, hate and contempt often surface. They are not easy emotions to process. However, the probable pain of rejection should never deter us from pursuing the kind of relationships that we want. That said, there is a positive angle to rejection and below I discuss the 4 benefits of rejection.
Rejection helps in clarifying the nature of the relationship
Rejection will help you to gain clarity on the nature of the relationship. It will also help you to create clear boundaries. Many of our relationships are based on assumptions. We never know the nature or breadth of the emotional bonds, needs, values, or interests that bind us together. We often fail to clearly communicate how we feel about the relationship or unmet expectations because we dread the outcome. In certain instances, our needs are not being met but we remain silent hoping that things will naturally change. Whereas its true that at times situations improve naturally, in the event they don’t which is often the case, the relationship gradually degrades.
Speaking honestly, openly, and clearly about how you feel or what you expect is paramount. The worst that can happen is getting a resounding no. Irrefutably, getting a no is never easy to digest. However, you gain clarity and certitude about your expectations and needs. You will know whether your expectations will be met or not. Rather than holding on to a superficial unfulfilling relationship with the hope that things will get better, honestly sharing your thoughts and feelings early on helps you to know where you stand in the relationship.
Rejection helps in attaining a clear conscience
In addition to understanding the nature of the relationship, sharing your thoughts and emotions honestly despite the risk of rejection helps one to gain a clear conscience. Again, its possible that the person our request or confession is directed to will brush it off or dismiss it outright. However, there is a sense of fulfilment and integrity that comes with revealing something weighty that is important to you. For starters, the guilt dissipates immediately we summon the courage to open up despite of the ramifications. At the onset, the shame might be there, but the courage and clarity gained thereafter far outweighs any feeling of shame in the face of rejection.
Rejection helps in nurturing a culture of authenticity and fearlessness
If you create a habit of communicating clearly, openly, and honestly in the face of probable denial or rejection, over time, one attains authenticity and fearlessness. Authenticity stems from the believe that you can speak openly and honestly even if your idea or request may be rejected or denied. Authenticity yields a clear conscience because you can confidently assert that you didn’t hide a thing. Equally, the more you practice something challenging, the easier it becomes. Accordingly, the more you speak freely, the more fearless you become. Over time, the preoccupation with whether your idea will be rejected or not becomes a thing of the past.
Rejection reinforces the resolve to explore other alternatives
If you badly needed something and you garnered the courage to ask for it but you were turned down, what is the effect? Firstly, you become certain that the alternative will not work, or the need/request will not be fulfilled. Again, the rejection/denial will hurt for a while. But at least you are sure that if you are to get your way, you must change the approach or direct the request to a different person. Rather than holding onto a false hope that will never materialize, its more beneficial to face a bitter truth earlier and move on. There are always many ways to achieve our goals. The challenge we normally have a fixed mindset most of the time.