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Loneliness can literally kill you. I know you are wondering how’s that even possible. It’s not even a disease. Surprisingly, as absurd as it sounds, loneliness is detrimental to your health and in severe cases, it can be fatal. For your information, for people aged 60 and above, loneliness is now categorized as a disease.
According to Guy Winch, a psychologist, feeling lonely makes our bodies to react as though we are under attack. Typically, the body will increase blood pressure and levels of cholesterol as it prepares to fight, freeze or take a flight. When we are lonely, our bodies respond as though we are under a lot of stress both physically and psychologically thus we are vulnerable to developing cardio-vascular disease. Also, due to the stress, one’s immune system is suppressed.
Research has revealed that chronic loneliness has the same effects as smoking to the human body and it increases our mortality by 14%. Chronic loneliness results in higher incidents of suicide, suicide ideation, para-suicide, heart disease, Alzheimer’s disease and other dementias.
But what is loneliness? Is it about not having friends? Can we argue that the people who have many friends are less prone to loneliness? Can we adequately deal with loneliness by being more socially active in our environment? These questions are important to our discussion because unless we know what loneliness entails, we may not be able to deal with it aptly.
Just to answer the above questions in passing, its noteworthy that being alone is not the cause of loneliness. As a matter of fact, 60% of married couples feel lonely yet their spouses are physically present. This baffling statistic suggests that loneliness is not about being around people. It’s about whether we feel socially and emotionally connected with the people who are around us. When we have varying thoughts and experiences, and when they do not share our deepest feelings, it’s easy to be together but alone.
Further, loneliness is less about the number of friends we have in our social circles and more about how we feel about them. You can have many friends and yet experience loneliness. Conversely, having one friend who you connect with deeply can be an antidote against loneliness.
How do you know you are lonely? Some signs of loneliness include: oversharing when there is someone to listen to you, feeling like the disposable one in the group, neglecting your needs and prioritizing the needs of others, having the urge to be overly nice/helpful, feeling invisible (no one sees you), feeling as though you don’t belong and becoming too invested/obsessed with friendships.
Some of the causes of loneliness include: lack of social skills, lack of interest in other people, lack of empathy, fear of being rejected, being unable to self-disclose, being cynical and sarcastic, being too demanding and being pessimistic.
In many cases, withdrawal from society is considered as an incipient sign of mental illness. Mostly, we assume that all people who prefer solitude are mentally ill but that’s inaccurate. Some people prefer being alone and that’s perfectly okay.
Undeniably, people can be a genesis of the problems we face on a daily basis. Avoiding them at all costs can be tempting especially for those who have learnt to stay alone and still feel complete. Importantly, solitude does not have to be treated as a source of loneliness and we should be able to live with ourselves.
That said, if you are not the kind than can survive without company, at all costs get someone to share with. Some helpful tips: reading, catching up with old friends, make people talk by asking questions, enjoy hobbies, take initiative any try something new, change your perspective about other people and listen to understand your partner/other people. Otherwise, you will die prematurely of cardiac complications. If you find it hard to interact, talk to a counsellor/psychologist for assistance.
Simeon Mainye